What is dating? Is it spending all your time with the one love of your life? Going out with a different guy every week? Simply making new friends and getting to know them while having fun doing different activities?
I've found that there are many different interpretations of dating. I also think there are different levels of dating. I do not have much experience with any of the interpretations of dating. I'm as single as a pringle, who wouldn't mind making some other pringle friends. I read a BYU devotional this week from the early 2000s. It was called "Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Celestial Marriage" by Bruce A Chadwick. I was not expecting good things from this talk because of it's title, but once I read it, I couldn’t take enough notes, and this post is me shouting it from the rooftops for all to hear.
Chadwick has 5 pieces of advice that everyone should take when approaching dating. They are great and as follows:
- All Cinderella's and Prince Charming's should throw away their glass slippers
- Don't wait for other to carry your glass slipper around looking for you as a match
- Exercise faith and have the courage in dating and marriage
- Keep physical intimacy at an appropriate level
- Pray for those who despise and use you
As you can tell by steps 3 and 5, this post is going to have more of my spiritual beliefs. I think this is good. I'm not trying to hide who I am, and I know the things I learn that involve the Spirit of God are good and true.
Number 1: Throw away your glass slippers. There is no "right one" "the one and only" for you. The Lord counsels us to find a right one, not the right one. I am convinced that when we were in the heavens before the world was created, God did not go through all of us and say "Okay Brianna, you and Billy are going to be married." There are plenty of people I could marry, especially here at BYU-Idaho. The Lord is letting me use my agency to choose a good and worthy man to marry, and then, with His help, work together to create and maintain a happy marriage.
Number 2: No one is looking for you specifically. I know it sounds kind of rude, and I don't mean to lesson the individual worth of anyone, but out of the 7 billion people in the world, you're not that special to the rest of them… You need to get out there and go and meet people. Dating and marriage requires work. There are those few that just click together like seatbelts and have it easy, but I think a marriage would be more fulfilling when you and your spouse look back on your lives and see how much you've been through and overcome together.
Number 3:Exercise faith and have courage. This come directly from number 2. Get out there! Now, I know this is much easier said than done. The fear of rejection is real, and rightfully so. We don’t like getting hurt, but sometimes it is necessary for growth. I've only been on a few dates in my life, and all of them were over a year ago, and they all went no where, but at least I went out on some. I met new guys, and put in (at least some level) of effort to get to know them. After studying dating more, I now see dating culture a bit differently. It's an opportunity to get to know lots of people while having fun and learning some new skills.
Number 4:Keep physical intimacy appropriate. It's important to respect our virtue. Relationships that become physical too quickly have consequences. The release of endorphins in the brain clouds sound judgement. There is another BYU Speech by Jeffery R Holland, "Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments" that goes along very well with this topic.
Number 5:Pray for those that despise and use you. I feel like this piece of advice comes in more during marriage, or for other long term relationships. I am very glad I read this speech this week. I've been struggling with one of my roommates, and I've prayed for her a lot this week. I've prayed that she'll get enough sleep, get to class on time, and understand all her classwork. She has done nothing that warrants my frustration, so I'm taking Chadwick's advice and hoping that by praying for my roommate, I will reverse my frustration back into love.
Overall, this week has been really interesting. I've always wanted to be a mom, and while I was growing up, I just expected dates to come in high school and college. Surprise, they didn’t'. I went on one date in high school, and a few last year in college, but they were not the best… I want to say I'm super motivated to find people to go on dates with, but I'm still nervous of being rejected, and people in general. As an avid introvert, I can only take so much "people time." I am more motivated to at least start making friends, and since my campus ward has tons of activities, I'm optimistic.
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