3 Types of Communication

This week has been one of many let down promises. I said I'd get the first post up on Monday and it wasn't published until Wednesday. This post was supposed to be up Thursday, and it's not 9pm on Saturday and I'm just sitting down to write this... Oh well...

This week's topic is Communication! (Something I'm not good at ^see above) This post is going to start a little different than most. I want you to watch a video. It's not long, less than 2 minutes.

I can relate to how "nail girl" feels. I had a tendency to bottle up my feelings when I was younger, and it would end up with me calling my dad to just vent. I didn't want any advice or solutions, I just wanted to word vomit and blow off some steam. Bless his heart, because most of the time, I would vent about one of five things I needed to talk about, and I would get stopped and receive advice on how to fix it. Looking back I appreciate what he was trying to do, but in the moment I would just get mad and shut down.

The most important thing I learned this week is the three types of communication, and how they are all important to healthy communication in relationships. Most of my blog is based off of Mark Ogletree's article titled "Speak, Listen, & Love." The three types on communication Ogletree explains are: Superficial, Personal, and Validating.

Superficial communication is that awkward small talk you make with people at the store, or with the students around you on the first day of classes. "How's this weather? Are you a dog or cat person? Oh you've been to South Dakota too?" Stuff like that. While it can be boring, it is an essential part of bonding with other people. It's those little things that allow us to begin connections with other people.

Let's take my best friend Christina and I. We were in 2 classes together (6-7 hours a week) our first semester at BYU-I. We didn't know each other existed until our first field trip a month and a half into the semester. I'm still not sure how we even met, but I know we started hanging out in the study lab together after that trip. We talked about how we both found rocks interesting, and how we both struggled to memorize the rocks in our lab quizzes.

Fast forward to the present and we talk everyday, and even roomed together last semester. We also have plans to go to Canada together this summer. If we hadn't have taken about rocks and the weather together, we never would have opened the doors of friendship.

The second type of communication is Personal. This is where you share your hopes and dreams with another. In Ogletree's article he shares a quote from Marvin J Ashton which reads "Communication is more than a sharing of words. It is wise sharing of emotions, feelings and concerns. It is sharing oneself totally." I love that last phrase "sharing of oneself totally." You are letting another person know all about you, the deep dark corners, as well as the sparkly unicorn hopes and dreams you have.

I'll share another example with Christina. I was having a hard time while I was at home for two semesters. I asked for her help and we ended up sharing some very personal sides with each other. Because of our openness with each other, we were able to be upfront and honest with each other while living together last semester.

The third, and final type of the communication-trifecta is Validation. It is important to take time to listen to others. I love the quote from Russell M. Nelson "Learn to listen, and listen to learn from one another." The power of listening and understanding can help someone not only feel validated but also feel like they are not alone.

Reflect back to the video at the top of this post. How did "nail-girl" react when the man was talking about the nail or a solution? How did she react when the man showed empathy? How do you feel when others really listen to you and how you're feeling?