I remember in elementary school, being on a soccer team. I loved it! I was the star of the show, running the fastest, scoring the most, I was the MVP of our soccer team. Well... that is how I felt after I received my trophy at the end of the season. Looking back, what I actually remember from those weeks of soccer were thoughts like "I hate running" and "I am going to sit down here and make a flower crown out of weeds." I was not good at soccer and everyone knew it. Why then, did I receive a trophy? Answer: because everyone else did too.
Joanna Pocock recounts how she struggled to accept the "everyone gets a trophy" mindset. Her 3rd grade daughter came home from sports day with a shiny gold medal. Her daughter happily said that everyone had gotten a medal that day (Pocock).
I had not thought much about how praise can affect children until reading this article. When we praise everyone, is anyone really being praised?
One of my assignments last week was to create a list of praises that fit different age groups. It was harder than I expected for a few reasons. First, I have not been around really young children in a long time. What do you even praise a 4 year old for? I could not remember when walking and potty training are in a child's life. Second, there are good and bad ways to praise our children. There are even some forms of praise that do more harm than good!
When we praise a child for their gifts or natural talents, we do boost self-esteem, but only for a short amount of time. It will actually cause the child to feel worse about their gifts and talents in the long run. When we praise everything a child does, it stops their drive to succeed and learn new things.
There are a few ways to praise a child that will make them stronger. There was a chart we used in that praise activity where we were given examples. Shown here:
- Descriptive praise focuses on the details that completed an activity, and thus reinforce good and/or correct behavior.
- Appreciative praise is descriptive, and helps teach awareness of one's actions on others.
I've decided to add some of my examples from last week's assignment for added clarification.
- 1-2 years old, descriptive praise: "You fed yourself so cleanly, you are becoming such a big girl!"
- 3-6 years old, appreciative praise: "You did a good job sharing your toys with your brother, it made him very happy."
- 7-11 years old, descriptive praise: "You have worked hard all year, and you beat your personal record in track."
- 7-11 years old, appreciative praise: "Lori was very happy after you brought her flowers yesterday."
- 12-17 years old, descriptive praise: "You did a great job studying for your SATs, you scored very well."
- 12-17 years old, appreciative praise: "Thank you for driving your sister to school, it helped lighten your father's load."
I'm not gonna lie, these sound weirdly robotic to me? Yet they also sound and feel like genuine praise. Whomever offers these praises took the time to be observant and descriptive. It is more personal than the "you did great" that we often give without a second glance. I know it will take time for me to adjust the way I praise others, but I also know it will be worth it.
I want to thank everyone who reads these posts. I sometimes feel like no one reads them and I'm writing for no one expect myself. These last two semesters have been a crazy whirlwind. I may continue this blog in the upcoming spring semester. I'm taking french and psychology. Not sure how to blog about either of those. Anyone have any thoughts?
Reference:
Pocock, J. (2017, February 22). Are We Spoiling Our Kids with Too Much Praise? Retrieved April 4, 2020, from https://daily.jstor.org/are-we-spoiling-our-kids-with-too-much-praise/
Comments
Post a Comment